


Hope(less) Love

by thelittlerin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, F/M, Not really though, not angst but definitely hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 22:51:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14778786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelittlerin/pseuds/thelittlerin
Summary: Who thought a wedding could be this painful?





	Hope(less) Love

Being a single at 33 years old was never Felix's plan.

It's just happened.

He works and works. Set his work life as a priority, he never had a time to really thinking about his love life. He dated some girls, of course. But it never go past the first 6 months. Felix was being too busy and the girls could never accept that.

So, he learned pretty quickly that he better being alone.

Become a training and development manager at a multinational company at 33 years old is such an achievement. But still, his mum would always ask,"when will you get married?" Or,"is there any girl mum should know of?" every single time he came home.

He never answered, for he didn't have any solution.

And when his parents introduced him to one girl, he didn't even surprised.

This girl, a web-designer freelancer, greeted him with an unsure gaze. Of course, she didn't know who Felix is. Maybe just some guys whose parents is a close acquaintances with hers.

Nothing special from this long-haired girl. At least for now. Except the fact that she could hold a conversation with Felix and his parents seems rather fond of her.

She's younger than him, by a month or more. But being a 30-something years old single woman is not an easy life. Her parents too always ask her of marriage, something that always out of her reach, but never forgotten. And just like Felix, she now sat in front of him just to fulfill her parents wish.

“So, what do you look in a man, Jisu- _ssi_?”

After a pretty awkward first date, they had another. And second quickly changed to third, fourth, fifth, and so on. Even when their parents were the reason behind all of that dates, they still find each other as an okay companions.

“Someone who understands me and never oppressed me. Why did you ask?”

“Just curious.”

“About?”

“About how a beautiful woman like you didn’t have anyone.”

And they both would laugh. Then chose to talk about other thing and forgot about what happened before. There is no romantic feeling between them, they just considered each other as a friend.

At least for now.

.

.

Choi Jisu didn’t know why did she say yes.

Maybe her feeling had changed. Maybe she started to see Felix as a man at some time on their meetings. Or maybe she already fall in love with the man since their first meet, when Felix casually walk on the outer side, to protect her from any vehicle that might pass.

However, when her parents (and his) ask her to marry Felix, she didn’t take too much time to say yes. His nod become her only encouragement to say yes.

“Why did you agree?”

Finally, she ask him. Behind the curtain of the changing room, where she tried her bridal gown candidates one by one. She never expect this day would come, as she only could see her friends tried their gowns all this time.

And now here she is, with her husband-to-be.

Oh wait, why is it so hot here?

“Because you’re my friend.”

“Excuse me? I even didn’t know your boy friends, Felix- _ssi_.”

“You close to my family, we can hold a conversation—“

“What about you, Felix- _ssi_?”

Jisu already know all the reason he mentioned since all of that was what he said when their parents ask them to marry. All the reason revolved around everything and everyone but him. He never said something remotely close to his feeling.

Silence that came after that felt so suffocating. Waited for the answer, Jisu didn’t even want to open the curtain even though her bridal gown was on. She wasn’t ready to face Felix this time.

“I don’t hate you.”

With the fully opened curtain, now Jisu could see Felix’s face.

That expression. He smiled, satisfied enough with her figure in the white gown. But his eyes, told no story.

.

.

D-Day.

Some might say it would be your best day. Other might said from this day onward, you could never be free again. It was a gate to hell, told people as a jokes. Depends on whom you’ll be married to, it could be a heaven or a fiery hell.

To Felix, his wedding day was just like another day.

Today was like his first day of work, with a bunch of excitement and a bit of anxiety. Or the day of his promotion announcement, he felt like to throw up because of all the nervousness.

And, the bride looked most beautiful today, people said.

Yet when Jisu walked down the aisle, clutching her father’s arm, Felix could only managed a slight smile. No throbbed heart, no sweaty palms. Jisu was beautiful as ever, just like how he saw her everyday.

“Hey, why are you cying?” whisper Felix when he realized Jisu’s teary eyes. His thumbs wipe her eyes corner slowly, tried not to smudge her perfect make up today.

“And why are you smiling?”

He didn’t answer, just smiled for the last time before let the priest to take over.

“You can say your vows, now.”

“I, Felix Lee, take Choi Jisu, as my lawful wife, and I promise to treat him the same way our father treat our mother. With care, with love, with all of my heart. I promise to be here with you all of my life, to be your best friends until fate take my last breath.”

Now tears officialy escaped from Jisu’s eyes.

“The bride, please.”

“I know I shouldn’t being a selfish person. But today, let me be the one,” she started.”I, Choi Jisu, take Felix Lee as my lawful husband. I promise to love him in all times, good or bad, until my last breath escaped me.”

“Now, you may kiss the bride.”

Felix had a guess on why Jisu still crying when he kissed her. But he decided to cast away that thought and kissed her eagerly. Took his time kissing her properly amidst the loud cheer around them.

Who thought a wedding could be this painful?

.

.

“Not sleep?”

“Can’t”

The party had ended hours ago. Now, officially being a married couple, both Felix and Jisu lay down on their hotel room, faced each other. Not much words exchanged between them since they enter the suite, except when they decided who will use the shower first.

“Are you not tired?”

“Try wear my heels, you’ll know how it feels to broke your feet.”

Silence again.

Out of nowhere, Jisu’s finger came up. Brushed Felix’s fringe to the side that covered half of his face. And from there, her fingers lingered. Slowly, touched all Felix’s face features. His forehead, eyelids, nose, cheeks—

“Stop it.”

“Why?”

“I can’t stop myself.”

“Then don’t.”

With one swift movement, now Felix already on top of Jisu. One hand stroke her hair softly, his half lidded eyes filled with lust. Then he started to move, being closer to her inch by inch.

“Felix?”

His lips now just dangerously hovering above hers. Stopped for a moment, as if letting her to finish whatever she want to say.

“Please, lie to me.”

“I love you.”

He kissed her after that. More eagerly than before. Slowly but sure, exploring her mouth just like a adventurer exploring a cave. Full of curiosity. When they both finally breathless, Felix face was hidden in Jisu’s crook of the neck.

“Tell me again.”

“What?”

“The lie.”

“I love you.”

And she cried. Without the tears. She always knew that, but hearing those words came out his lips tonight, her heart ached. To know that he knew exactly what kind of lies she wanted to hear, it ached her even more.

And before she knew it, her clothes already vanished. No barrier between she and Felix, just skin to skin. He moved so slowly, as if wanted to cherish his time with her. Leaving a mark like he wanted to mark his territory.

“If you want me to stop, I will.”

“No.”

With one word as encouragement, Felix moved to the South. Slowly. Drawing a map only he can remember. Taking a notes on every scream he heard, made sure he re-visit that spot again later.

However, when he saw a trail of tears on Jisu’s cheeks as he kissed her goodnight, he pretended not to see it.

.

.

3 months had passed.

They lived their life just like any other couples. Woke up on the same bed everyday, then Jisu will fix Felix a simple breakfast before finally bids him a goodbye.

However, everytime she bid him a goodbye every morning, she scared.

What if he finally find the other one at work? What if he suddenly didn’t want to come home, their home? What if he wanted to take a stop on their story, as he never put his own words on the book?

But, every morning, like he could read her mind, he’d always say,

“Don’t worry, I won’t go anywhere. So, don’t wait for me if you’re hungry or sleepy.”

His word now became her only consolation.

Unfortunately, today his words didn’t work.

All day, all Jisu could do was just walked back and forth in their living room. Her laptop still opened, her work left forgotten (the deadline wasn’t that thight, she could do it later). She just wanted Felix to be back quickly.

“Jisu, I told you not to wait for me.”

It appeared that Jisu fall asleep on the couch. Again.

Frantically, she hold Felix thightly. As if she just had a nightmares where she had to lost Felix—it happens almost every night when Felix didn’t hold her to sleep.

“What happened?”

“Can we go to doctor now?”

“It’s 10p.m. now, are you sick?

Silently, Jisu hand over the thing that messed up with her minds all day. The white stick with pink holder with double stripe in the middle.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

.

.

After being pregnant, there’s not much differences in Jisu’s life.

Except Felix insisted to hire an assistant so that she didn’t have to work hard doing the household chores and her own job. Plus, that man also insisted her to take a full rest over the weekend, which means Felix would be the one who cooks, do the laundry, vacuuming the carpet, and so on.

“You work too hard.”

No answer yet. Felix still trying to listen to anything from their baby in Jisu’s womb. Sometimes, he said he could hear their child’s heart beating, but Jisu didn’t buy it.

“You’re the one who too weak. Doctor Myoui ask you to take a lot of rest.”

“But it is too much.”

“Nothing is too much,” he replied.”Now please be quiet. I’m trying to hear my son’s voice.”

“How do you know it’s him?”

“Father’s instinct.”

“And what if he turned to be she?”

“Well,” Felix shrugged a bit,”she must be a beautiful daughter. Just like you.”

Jisu swore she could see something different in Felix gaze just now. Just for a second, before his usual gaze is back.

Was it still too late to hope he will love her too?

.

.

”Hey.”

“Hey, Felix.”

“You’ve done so well.”

Felix smiled so softly. Not his typical bright smile, but his soft bright smile. His hands holding Jisu’s tightly, gave her a strength after a 10-hour long labor.

“Nothing happened, right?”

“Everything’s fine,” assured Felix, his other hands stroke Jisu’s hair slowly. Trying to ease her minds about any negatve possibility after labor.”You wanna see him?”

“Him?”

“Yes. And he has your eyes. Wait a minute.”

She stayed silent. Could not say a word, only stared at Felix as him holding their child in his arms.

Their son.

His son.

Her son.

“Look, son. She’s your mum.”

Felix was right. Their son had her eyes. Even though he could not fully open his eyes yet, that was definitely her eyes. However, Jisu was too busy adoring her son until she almost didn’t hear what Felix said next,

“Son, you might be a bit naughty later, but please do remember to love your mom always as I am.”

Then, he stared at her, with the most lovingly gaze she ever saw from him, and his next word succesfully made her shed a tear.

“I love you, Choi Jisu.”

 

**fin.**


End file.
